The other day I was doing some research about relationships and I found an article that shared the stories of two young men who was striving to please God in their relationships with women, And to be honest with you I cannot find the article again it has been wiped from my search history even though I tried to remember the title. I've been racking my brain trying to visualise the title, the words but it just wasn’t coming up.
So I will be going from memory on this post. I always seem to pride myself on whenever I would visit a new place I could always trace back my steps the second time based purely on my memory. However, on this occasion, my memory has failed me very badly as I really wanted to read the article again to get a better understanding. Nevertheless, I felt that I had to share what I learned from it because I never really thought about the four things that were simply mentioned in the story.
One of the men who shared his story spoke of 4 things that he wished was present in his previous relationship in order for them to build a solid foundation for a stronger relationship that pleases God and eventually that would have lead to marriage but it did not. Unfortunately, there are times when we do go into relationships even though we may share some things in common but it may not be enough to withstand the struggles that come along with daily life. I’m telling you, I have a few myself.
There has to be something more meaningful, something more bonding, something more definite that will keep two people accountable and striving to achieve the greater good for each other. So here are the four things I found to be helpful in building a solid foundation for a relationship.
1. Emotional
Being a single woman, I’ve been learning a lot about myself recently. I have been learning that in order for me to be ready to be in a committed relationship I have to overcome my past traumas, my past relationships, my past hurts, and all those memories that could stop me in my tracks when it comes to pursuing a new fulfilling relationship.
Emotions can be very strong and some of them can be detrimental even to ourselves. For example, Hatred, Unforgiveness, Anger, Doubt just to name a few. If we haven’t dealt with these negative emotions before the person we have a high chance of jeopardising our own happiness because we can take all these baggage and carry it around with us without even realising. I would say this would be one of the first things to consider when it comes to building a solid foundation.
If you’re happy and whole from the start and living your purpose you would be able to give and receive the love you so desire. You will be able to forgive, you will choose to believe in yourself, you will let things go quickly and you will be able to redirect your anger towards the situation and not towards the person.
2. Intellectual
One of the things that keep me engaged in a conversation with someone is if that person is able to articulate what they are saying to me in an intelligent way if that’s not the case I lose interest and won't seek to be around this person very often. Now if that is someone I simply meet a networking event or anywhere else for that matter how much more difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who cannot hold a conversation about something they are passionate about apart from the Bible or anything else that may have drawn you to each to each other.
If you can’t have a conversation about a topic that interests you individually with each other then that could be an issue if intelligence is important to you. We cannot forget that the relationship is for the long haul and there are times when you both would be around each other's friends and family and they might be talking about the transportation industry, psychology or simply keeping up with the stock markets, etc.
Especially in this time when everyone is at home and is unable to travel, there’s only so much you can physically do. So what would you talk about? What is it that you’d like to know more about if you haven’t yet? Find out what excites you, what motivates you, and be eager to talk about it. For me, I love to be around positive people. If someone is going to be negative all the time and finding fault with everything, then I wouldn't want to be around that person very long.
3. Spiritual
Apart from being emotionally stable. It would be wise to find out if you and your potential mate share the same common ground when it comes to spirituality which isn’t necessarily about ‘going to Church’. Are you both Christians or not? Do you share the same beliefs about certain aspects of your faith? Do you both believe in going to church on Sundays only or would you want to be more involved in serving others more frequently?
Are you happy with going to church for special occasions only? Or happy staying at home doing your own Bible study? (which I personally wouldn’t recommend, because we all desire to be close to others at some point) These are some of the things that would need to be discussed before rushing into the relationship because he’s so handsome or she’s so beautiful. If you’d like to find out the qualities to look for in a man or a woman please check it out here one of my recent posts.
A relationship is for the long run and no one wants to get married to be divorced later on. The bride dreams of getting dressed up in her nice dress and the groom in his dapper tuxedo and they both say their vows but the wedding is for a day but the marriage is until death you part. Who will be the anchor that the both of you will run to when the real problems start? Will it be mom, dad, your friends? or will it be God? Don't leave it to chance.
4. Physical
Last but not least. As a woman, I’m very much aware that men are visual creatures and women are more emotional. I’m also aware that it is the beauty or physique of a person that will initially draw them to each other. However, we can’t be too focused on this aspect of the relationship alone because being physically obsessed with someone can blind our judgment to things that are more serious.
I’ve been in this situation before where I was so attracted to this guy that I was willing to silence my own intuition even though I knew he wasn’t for me. We were simply on different paths on our journey but I found him attractive nonetheless. Looking back I knew that if I had continued the relationship It wouldn’t have been a good decision. We hardly spoke about anything important for the future. And so the majority of the time it was all surface-level conversations.
At the same time, giving someone a chance because they aren’t physically attractive at first could turn out to be the person you’ve been waiting for, who knows. Once you start getting to know the person, their mindset, the way they think, their personality, it is possible to start finding the person attractive in some way. Since with us women, we are more emotional than men. According to research, I've found out that a good sense of humor goes a long way for a woman to find a man attractive.
Being a single woman in her thirties I know that one day it will be possible to meet someone who will be compatible enough for us to consider taking the relationship seriously. I am open to all possibilities but at the same time, I’ll keeping my cards to my chest until I’m certain that I could possibly spend a long time with this person simply by observing them.
Seeing how he interact with others; how he treats someone he doesn’t know and whether he practices what he preaches with his mouth. As they say, talk is cheap and don’t tell me, show me. You know someone by their actions not what they tell you.
So spend time watching them from a distance. But not too close so you lose sight of what is really important though.
Until next time.
PS. If you have anything else to add to this list, please let me know in the comments below as we're always learning around here.
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