Yes, I had to go there didn't I? I had to go and touched a nerve somewhere hidden from plain sight. I was actually talking with a friend a few months ago about this topic and to be honest there was a reason for my delay in writing about it straight away. I thought to myself. How will this post be received? Would you fully understand what I'm trying to say before jumping to your own conclusions? Or would you be willing to be open with me and let's talk about this white elephant in the room?
Talking openly about sex still seems to be a taboo especially amongst Christians. I know not all of us would share the same past but I believe that it would be so beautiful for us to be able to talk openly about the struggles we all faced in the past, the present, or maybe in the future if we don't open up now. I'm very aware that some of us may have had some painful traumas from our past, some of which may have distorted our idea about sex in a completely negative way, and who knows maybe is now even turned off from it altogether.
But with Jesus, He's able to wipe your slate clean and you are able to start over again. Thank God for Jesus! I'm not claiming to be an expert here, far from it, but I decided to share my thoughts about it here on this platform. Some of it you may not agree with and some you may. But it's my 2 cents to try and get as many Christians to be open about it. I've read multiple blogs and websites and it is so painful to read about the struggles that some of us are still facing even within marriages because some things were not discussed beforehand.
I also believe that a Christian who follows the Word of God waits until marriage to be sexually active. However, I also think that to some extent talking about sex openly with our Spiritual advisors can help us to navigate through the fears and worries that some of us single Christians face, which is why this question on this post is asked.
As a single woman or single men if you're reading this too you're welcome as always. I've struggled with this idea that it was so wrong to have sexual thoughts and sexual desires because I believed in God and I've accepted Jesus as my personal saviour. Nevertheless, from reading alot of books about relationships and listening to experts in their field I've realised that one's belief system cannot fully switch off one's feelings and emotions like a switch. I used to think that if I had a sexual thought that I was sinning against God Himself and I would beat myself up for having them flash through my mind.
I remember, in my early twenties, I had an episode where I struggled with this for a long time. I felt I couldn't be open with another person because I felt I would be judged for thinking those thoughts and that I thought I could not control them. Until I realised that having sexual thoughts and desires are all part of God's design for us human beings. And if I had no sexual desires or urges at all then I'm sure something would be wrong too, I would have had to consider if something was really wrong with me.
My point here is this. We are all human beings. God made us sexual beings for two reasons. One is to procreate and two is that sex is an act that binds a husband and wife together for the rest of their lives. In the past and until today, unless a husband and wife have sex whether on their wedding night or after. If the act of sexual intercourse is not performed there is no marriage. Because until that happens there is no bond. Sex is not just a physical act. It affects our mind, body, and soul.
No wonder we hear of many young men and women who lost their virginity too early, they said they wished they had waited. So why is that? Well, it is because sex is not just physical. It affects how we see ourselves, how we relate to the opposite sex, and how we even see the world we live in. And that is the reason why God created a container for sex.
And that container is marriage. There you are able to be free, you are able to be fully vulnerable knowing that this person knows your flaws and sees your nakedness and still chose to love and care for you forsaking all others. How beautiful!
Going back to the topic. Would I consider myself to be wrong for thinking about sex? Absolutely not! Thoughts come to us all. However, we have the power to switch the channel to not stir up something within us that we're not ready for. And that is where self-control will be required. It is almost like being so excited about something but not being able to experience it just yet. Just like the kid who's so excited about going on a trip with their parents but five minutes into the drive they ask 'are we there yet?'
And it's that anxiety that can cause us to make wrong choices. It's that anxiety that makes us lower our standards. It's that anxiety that makes us compromise a little here and a little there and before we know it. We've arrived at our destination but not able to fully enjoy the views and the landscapes because on the journey we allowed our curiosity to get the best of us and it's not as exciting as it was when we first imagined.
So dear friends, it is not wrong to have sexual thoughts and sexual desires but it is how we respond to them that will decide how we will show up in our marriage and relationships later on down the road. I would love to hear your thoughts on this because I'm the first student when it comes to all this.
Until next time, #StayFaithful
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